Your British counterpart did his homework. He knew Latin Americans build trust over the table, not just across it, so instead of squeezing in a second meeting before your flight home, he cleared two hours for lunch. No slides, no agenda, just food and conversation.

You talked about your kids, his weekend rugby, the flight in. He laughed at your jokes and asked good follow-up questions. Two hours later, you both stood up like old friends.

You flew home certain the deal was basically done.

Then his email arrived. Warm, friendly, three lines. And one question: could you send over some case studies and a couple of client references?

The situation

From where you sat, the lunch was the deal. You'd built real rapport, he'd clearly enjoyed your company, and in your experience that's the signal that gets things moving. Personal connection is the currency the deal gets made in.

From where he sat, the lunch was step one. He'd made time to get to know you because he understood, correctly, that relationships matter to you. What he hadn't done, because there was no meeting left to do it in, was see a single number.

Two hours told him you'd be good to work with. It didn't tell him anything about your delivery record, your client list, or your pricing.

The friction

The Loop System™ reads trust as affective. Time spent together and a good conversation over food count as the evidence. Once someone likes you, business follows.

The Slot System™ reads trust as cognitive. Warmth opens the door. What's expected to walk through it (a track record, references, numbers that hold up) still has to show up on its own.

He thought giving you the lunch instead of the meeting was the culturally sensitive move. The ‘missing’ meeting was still doing work for him that the lunch couldn't do.

Slots v. Loops™ in action

Take the lunch. The relationship-building matters, to you and, whether he'd put it this way or not, to him too. Just don't let it replace the meeting entirely; fold a few hard facts into the conversation naturally. A number, a result, a client name, dropped in between the football and the flight stories.

Better still, bring someone he already trusts along. A mutual contact, a former client of his, anyone already inside his circle. Their trust does some of the work yours hasn't earned yet.

When you follow up, do both halves. Thank him for lunch, then attach the case studies and references he actually needs to move forward.

Over to you

Think of the last relationship-building lunch or dinner you had with a British counterpart. Did you focus solely on building rapport, or did you also bring to the table something he could actually check?

Until next Tuesday,

Cecilia